We asked our coworkers here at ProEdit to share their all-time favorite bad jokes. Enjoy or groan, as the situation dictates!
Future, Present, and Past all walked into a bar. It was tense.
Q: What do you call a honeymoon salad?
A: Lettuce alone.
Q: What do you call a man that sleeps outside on the lawn?
Q: Why do pilgrims’ pants fall down?
A: Because their belt buckles are on their hats.
Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a brick wall?
A philosophy professor and a history professor were vacationing in the Catskills. The philosophy professor turns to the history professor and asks, “Have you read Marx?” The history professor replies, “Yes. I think it’s the wicker chairs.”
Q: What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?
A magician was driving down the road…then he turned into a driveway.
Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
Q: What do you call a nosy pepper?
A: Jalapeno Business!
Q: What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A: A towel.
Q: If you throw a rock into the Red Sea, what does it become?
Q: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?
A: He got a little behind in his work.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogie in it.
Two muffins are in an oven and one says “It sure is hot in here.”
And the other says “Holy cow! A talking muffin!”
Q: What do you call a vertically-challenged person, who can commune with the dead and has just escaped from a maximum security prison?
A: A small medium at large.
Q: What do hippies do?
A: They hold your leggies on!
Q: Where does George Washington keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “You man the guns and I’ll drive.”
Q: How did Davy Crockett like his pie?
A: Ala mode.
Q: What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A: A gummy bear!
Kurt Vonnegut’s favorite joke was this…
I went to bed hungry last night, and all I dreamt about were flannel cakes. Woke up this morning, and I couldn’t find my blanket anywhere.
Q: Why is an elephant big, gray, and lumpy?
A: Because if it were small, white, and round, it would be an aspirin!
Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk.
Q: What did the cat say after eating two robins lying in the sun?
A: I love baskin’ robins.
And here are some special bonus bad jokes, just in time for Easter!
Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A: It’s been nice gnawing you!
Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare-dryer!
Q: How does a rabbit keep his fur looking good?
A: With hare spray!
Q: Why did the bunny go to the dance?
A: To do the bunny hop!
Q: What kinds of books do bunnies like?
A: Ones with hoppy endings!